Dia de Mortes….more like 40 days
Dia de mortes, also known as day of the dead, is a day that Latin cultures remember those that have passed. It is celebrated on November 1. Families gather for food and celebration. The Pixar movie CoCo has a great explanation of the meaning behind this day. As long as your spirit is remembered then you live on but when no one celebrates you, your soul disappears. This is only one of many ways in which a culture celebrates death and those that have passed. Each individual, family, community has their own traditions, rituals and beliefs with managing grief in the hopes to get to the space of celebrating a life. In full honesty, from my perspective, no only truly knows what happens when one dies. That is the beauty of faith and deep beliefs.
As we have visited locations or with people the concept of death has been apparent to me. The professor at the first university we visited in Rabat mentioned that a particular day would be 40 days since the founder had passed. 40? What does 40 mean? Why is that number so specific and important? Derek and I had a great conversation with Hamid about how Moroccans move through the death process. As we all know, he is a philosophical man and when asked a question there is no straightforward answer. For this I am grateful. Here goes:
At conception and gestation there is an acceptance or signing of a contract to life. At birth there is an agreement to life. At death there is a process of separation between the body and the spirit and the deceased and the living.
When someone dies the family grieves for three days. The first day is the burial and people bring food. The second and third day food continues to pour in and on the evening of the third night loved ones gather together to accept the death then celebrate the life. This is called the “dinner of the tomb.”
On the first Friday following the death, loved ones gather at the tomb site for a picnic. This is a time to celebrate and also used to reflect that this will also happen to you. Any and all are welcome. Remember the Moroccan way, sharing and caring are a way of life. Friday is a day of giving and the poor are welcome to come for the picnic as well. This is repeated for 3 Fridays each week the group decreases in size.
During this time the body of the deceased is decreasing in life. When one passes the body does not immediately go from living to dead. There are organs, minerals, bacteria, virus, fungus etc. that are decomposing. This time period allows for the soul of the deceased to separate and mourn the loss of their own life.
The 40th day arrives. 40 is a number that is acknowledged in may religions but for the Moroccan culture has to do with symmetry and numerological philosophy. All loved ones and loved ones of loved ones return to the tomb site for a celebration. All are welcome. This has allowed the body and spirit to separate, the grieving has passed and all are rejuvenated by the joy of life.
Following the 40 days, the tomb is created. It is not only a tombstone but also a bed. The bed is built for those who visit to sit at the feet of the bed of the deceased as the head of the deceased is to the east.
For this we can all agree….all humans have two things in common we are born and then we die. My father died when I was nine and I have been mulling many death questions since. From the reading by Dyne, Ang and Livermore, Cultural Intelligence: A Pathway for Leading in a Rapidly Globalizing World, it is important for leaders to develop cultural intelligence, which is the knowledge of others cultures, norms habits and behaviors (2008). This cultural intelligence allows for individuals to develop the capability to show respect for other while enhancing one's own effectiveness in global markets and organizations which is done through four factors including motivational, cognitive, metacognitive and behavioral cultural intelligences (Dyne et. al, 2008). How does this translate to death? To me it means, when a leader has deep understanding and empathy for life changing events, such as death and the tradition and rituals associated with death, the team member can be honored through the space and time to grieve appropriately per their tradition.
I leave you with a few questions...how will your soul remain with the living? What do you wish to leave behind? What do you believe? Whose sounds are you keeping alive? Has this time in Morocco connected you with your beliefs? As you lead in an inclusive space, how will you allow the space for team members to acknowledge the tradition and ritual of death without letting the influence of your belief be in the way? The time to philosophize these questions is in the same envelope for with my invitation to mint tea.
Interested in learning more:
Trailer for Coco: https://youtu.be/Rvr68u6k5sI
Islamic Mourning Process: https://www.wtol.com/article/news/local/islamic-scholar-breaks-down-the-mourning-process-according-to-muslim-faith/512-a1098b59-eeb2-4c24-b4b8-f5cad21464a5
Tradition and rituals at death: Turn to White: https://www.sevenponds.com/cultural-perspectives/turn-to-white-funeral-traditions-in-morocco
Other cultures: https://www.funeralguide.com/blog/death-rituals-around-the-world
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As a part of the conversation it was a very moving and inspirational conversation. I found it very thoughtful and beautiful with the returning of the grave sites for three fridays and sharing food with the underprivileged and memories of the deceased. The scientific reason of the 40 days was this is how long it takes to decompose the body. Hamid compared the decomposing stage similar to the prenatal stage of life. We have yet to have our first breath pre birth but our soul and body was developing. The same with post death decomposition. Even though we have had our last breath the soul needs time to exit the body which takes 40 days. I love the spiritual, scientific, cultural and religious ties to the ritual of death.
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